Post by lanie on Feb 5, 2009 19:14:16 GMT -5
Christian sauntered in to the living room of the apartment he shared with Alice (who sure by now wasn’t his girlfriend but of course she wasn’t his wife). He was thirty years old and still didn’t want to ‘settle down’. Marriage was a piece of paper. He had a long day at Duquesne University where he was starting out teaching a few English courses. Of course, skating was now his second job—and more of a hobby. “Hey, beautiful,” he said absently, saying it just to say it without really meaning it.
Alice was sitting down on the sofa, looking confused and upset. That made him stop.
“What’s wrong?”
She looked over at him, a frown creasing her face. Her eyebrows were drawn down. Her lips were pursed tightly. “I can’t do this.”
Christian was totally lost. “Do what?”
“You don’t plan on marrying me, right? Why are we together? There’s nothing out of this. You won’t commit to me. Why am I even bothering with you? I can’t just sit here, living in sin,” Alice said, pointing out something that had been bothering her for the past four years they’d been living together in the Pennsylvania, “waiting for you to propose when I know it’s not coming.”
Quiet, he digested what she said. He went over it in his head. Then he told her, “So, you’re breaking this off because you can’t get over your ridiculous sense of guilt. Is that it?”
Alice opened her mouth and closed it. Her eyebrows were still drawn down over her brown eyes, the anxiety echoed in her frown. “I can’t be with someone who won’t commit to me.”
“I’m sorry,” he snapped, “but I don’t particularly feel like we ought to get married. It is a piece of paper. It means nothing, Alice.”
“And that’s the problem here!” She couldn’t take it anymore, so she was yelling. “I mean nothing because what I want—what I need—from you is ‘just a piece of paper’. Great, thank you. Do you even think about how that makes me feel?”
He was silent, stony-faced.
Alice felt like crying. He was not reacting to her at all. “We can’t be together if you’re just going to stand there and do nothing. It’s like…you’ve just been using me! You tell me maybe you want to get married, then you’re so adamant on not and you know, oh, you know, what it means to me. You’re telling me I’m not important.”
He remained silent for awhile, watching her with apathy as she began to sniffle a little, as she wiped her face of freshly fallen tears. “Just because I don’t want to get married doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It’s not as if there is some switch I can turn on and off.” Christian didn’t exactly know how he felt. He didn’t feel angry, or sad, or much of anything. Maybe, then, ending this would be a good idea since he felt nothing. He knew he loved her, but he also knew love sure was never enough to save relationships. He was more thinking about who’d move out, who’d take what, all of those problems.
“Then you should probably figure out how to turn it off,” she said acidly. After a pause, Alice asked, “Why were you with me? Just to sleep with me? Get an ego trip because you’re the only man I’ve ever been with?”
Well, hey, if they were breaking up, now was the time to be honest, wasn’t it? “A little bit,” he told her. At her look of shock, he added, “It was an ego trip, I won’t deny it. If you want to think it’s like that now, then go ahead.”
Now, her look of shock was turning into one of anger—and a little bit of hurt, too. “Just…go. Go get your own place. Or I’ll get mine,” Alice told him, now the hurt taking over her features. “I’ll be packing. Have a nice life.” When she turned to go into their bedroom to begin to get at least her clothes together, she was crying. In contrast, he just rolled his eyes at what he saw as her dramatics, figuring she’d get over it shortly.
It didn’t happen.
She moved out. They withdrew from their pro-am events, but never put out any press release or information as to what was going on. They didn’t even tell their agent. While he kept up with teaching, she kept up with coaching and they purposefully avoided each other if they ran into the other at the rink.
Alice was hurt and felt broken and betrayed. She put all her energy into the little kids and young pair teams she was coaching, trying desperately to ignore what she’d left. Christian was puzzled and a little upset, but he figured he’d bounce back eventually and maybe this was just a break. It was the one thing in his life he’d ever allowed himself to be somewhat optimistic about…that she’d eventually come back to him.
Alice was sitting down on the sofa, looking confused and upset. That made him stop.
“What’s wrong?”
She looked over at him, a frown creasing her face. Her eyebrows were drawn down. Her lips were pursed tightly. “I can’t do this.”
Christian was totally lost. “Do what?”
“You don’t plan on marrying me, right? Why are we together? There’s nothing out of this. You won’t commit to me. Why am I even bothering with you? I can’t just sit here, living in sin,” Alice said, pointing out something that had been bothering her for the past four years they’d been living together in the Pennsylvania, “waiting for you to propose when I know it’s not coming.”
Quiet, he digested what she said. He went over it in his head. Then he told her, “So, you’re breaking this off because you can’t get over your ridiculous sense of guilt. Is that it?”
Alice opened her mouth and closed it. Her eyebrows were still drawn down over her brown eyes, the anxiety echoed in her frown. “I can’t be with someone who won’t commit to me.”
“I’m sorry,” he snapped, “but I don’t particularly feel like we ought to get married. It is a piece of paper. It means nothing, Alice.”
“And that’s the problem here!” She couldn’t take it anymore, so she was yelling. “I mean nothing because what I want—what I need—from you is ‘just a piece of paper’. Great, thank you. Do you even think about how that makes me feel?”
He was silent, stony-faced.
Alice felt like crying. He was not reacting to her at all. “We can’t be together if you’re just going to stand there and do nothing. It’s like…you’ve just been using me! You tell me maybe you want to get married, then you’re so adamant on not and you know, oh, you know, what it means to me. You’re telling me I’m not important.”
He remained silent for awhile, watching her with apathy as she began to sniffle a little, as she wiped her face of freshly fallen tears. “Just because I don’t want to get married doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It’s not as if there is some switch I can turn on and off.” Christian didn’t exactly know how he felt. He didn’t feel angry, or sad, or much of anything. Maybe, then, ending this would be a good idea since he felt nothing. He knew he loved her, but he also knew love sure was never enough to save relationships. He was more thinking about who’d move out, who’d take what, all of those problems.
“Then you should probably figure out how to turn it off,” she said acidly. After a pause, Alice asked, “Why were you with me? Just to sleep with me? Get an ego trip because you’re the only man I’ve ever been with?”
Well, hey, if they were breaking up, now was the time to be honest, wasn’t it? “A little bit,” he told her. At her look of shock, he added, “It was an ego trip, I won’t deny it. If you want to think it’s like that now, then go ahead.”
Now, her look of shock was turning into one of anger—and a little bit of hurt, too. “Just…go. Go get your own place. Or I’ll get mine,” Alice told him, now the hurt taking over her features. “I’ll be packing. Have a nice life.” When she turned to go into their bedroom to begin to get at least her clothes together, she was crying. In contrast, he just rolled his eyes at what he saw as her dramatics, figuring she’d get over it shortly.
It didn’t happen.
She moved out. They withdrew from their pro-am events, but never put out any press release or information as to what was going on. They didn’t even tell their agent. While he kept up with teaching, she kept up with coaching and they purposefully avoided each other if they ran into the other at the rink.
Alice was hurt and felt broken and betrayed. She put all her energy into the little kids and young pair teams she was coaching, trying desperately to ignore what she’d left. Christian was puzzled and a little upset, but he figured he’d bounce back eventually and maybe this was just a break. It was the one thing in his life he’d ever allowed himself to be somewhat optimistic about…that she’d eventually come back to him.